So, today I feel blessed. I feel blessed most days - we all have those ones where it's hard to feel the blessings - but today, today I just feel it in my bones. I've been afforded a lot of really amazing experiences in my life that have brought me to where I stand today. Struggles, hardships, celebrations, accomplishments, the-right-place-the-right-time, serendipity have all played a hand. Today all roads lead to me sitting at a table in the WGME 13 news studio celebrating 7 schools who raised nearly 500,000 lbs of food for the Good Shepherd Food Bank of Maine. I fan-girled it up. I took pictures with the anchors. I took pictures with the kids. I sipped my coffee and ate a blueberry muffin, and totally didn't follow my meal plan. It was all very jovial. And as the celebration was winding down I got to partake in some amazing conversations with WGME 13's station management, anchors and my fellow food bankers. I, I, I, I, I....And it hit me how the heck did I get to be here? How flipping blessed am I to be sitting at this table, talking with these amazing people on how to effect change for the people of our great State of Maine? Me, just a small town girl, how did I get here? To have and be a voice of change? I'm not a news anchor with a huge following; I'm a data entry clerk and massage therapist.
Maine is a small community, and if I got the chance to sit there and be a part of the conversation, anyone can. Anyone can take action to make their community a better place to be. Hunger is real people. I know I've joked, "I get angry when I'm hungry." The key words there are "when I get hungry." I'm lucky right now. I know what my meals are for this week and for the foreseeable future. Imagine living in constant hunger. Imagine you are a child going to school hungry. You try to learn but your belly is growling. How could you learn like that? How can you focus on making your life better? You can't. Our babies, our children, our society's most vulnerable population, most certainly cannot. One in four children in the State of Maine face this every day...every day...HUNGER is their reality. Going to bed without a meal, IS their reality, not a punishment because they didn't like what option they were given for dinner. They didn't even have the option to have dinner.
Let fix that! Go be a part of the discussion in your community. Let's all be a part of the solution. Let's follow the lead of the teenagers who have participated in the School Spirit Challenge and get involved in our communities. Let's say the buck stops here. Maybe I can't give money, maybe I can give my time. Maybe getting involved means getting uncomfortable and really seeing what hunger looks like in your town. Maybe it means sharing your experience and being an educator. If this small town girl, can be a part of the conversation, you can to. You can be a light to someone in need. You can be the flame that lights their torch and shows them that life can be better. Together we can solve anything.
***Just to toss this out there, these are my musings and are not representative of any group I work for am affiliated with. They represent my thoughts and mine alone.***
Friday, March 4, 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Finding the Ground
My whole life has been spent escaping, mentally checking out. Outwardly everything is always on the up and up, my mom taught me that skill. She struggled her whole life with bipolar disorder, and depression. At one point she checked herself into a mental health hospital, because she knew she was sick and needed help. I only have blurry memories of that, but regardless, she fought a silent fight for the majority of her life, because of the fear of people's judgment. I'm tearing up just thinking of the mental anguish she put on herself, hiding from people because, "they wouldn't like her if they knew the truth." I was my mother's secret keeper.
I was her secret keeper before I was born. I, in someways, was the only person alive who felt her pain of my brother's death. I was there, a part of her, taking up residence in her belly. I don't in anyway claim to really know her pain, but it connected us. Pain connected us, during on of Mum's highs, she told me that she never wanted a girl, and she never wanted a red head. Ha, that's an awesome cosmic joke! I'm not sure we ever really found a way to resolve our differences while she was alive. I spent my childhood trying to escape the pain of being an only child, of trying to be the two children my parents had, while only being one. And I've spent my entire "adulthood" trying to teach myself that I am enough. It just dawned on me that I have survivor's guilt.
Daydreaming has always been my saving grace. I can imagine I'm anywhere but here. I don't have to be Gabe and Tabitha. I can be a ballerina, I can be a ninja, I can be a queen, I can be a warrior. I can be anything...anything except for who I am right here, right now. Mentally escaping hasn't produced a damn thing in my life, but the need for more escape.
Movement. Physical movement has been my salvation. Every time I slip into not wanting to be here, I move my body. Dance was my medicine when I was younger. Lifting weights give me that now. I feel so strong physically that I pull on that strength mentally. If I can lift this weight I can do anything. I can move fucking mountains! Helping people move their body, helps them move their emotions, helps them let go of the past and focus on their future. It helps them find their ground. That's why I'm a massage therapist, that's why I lift, and that's why I teach. That's my mission in life to move everyBODY, so that we all rise to meet our fullest potential!
EDIT: After writing this I jumped into the shower and a thought popped into my head. I'd like to say this was a thought of my own, but the wisdom of makes me feel it was other worldly.
"The pain you feel today, is the strength you provide to someone tomorrow. Let your pain be your light."
I was her secret keeper before I was born. I, in someways, was the only person alive who felt her pain of my brother's death. I was there, a part of her, taking up residence in her belly. I don't in anyway claim to really know her pain, but it connected us. Pain connected us, during on of Mum's highs, she told me that she never wanted a girl, and she never wanted a red head. Ha, that's an awesome cosmic joke! I'm not sure we ever really found a way to resolve our differences while she was alive. I spent my childhood trying to escape the pain of being an only child, of trying to be the two children my parents had, while only being one. And I've spent my entire "adulthood" trying to teach myself that I am enough. It just dawned on me that I have survivor's guilt.
Daydreaming has always been my saving grace. I can imagine I'm anywhere but here. I don't have to be Gabe and Tabitha. I can be a ballerina, I can be a ninja, I can be a queen, I can be a warrior. I can be anything...anything except for who I am right here, right now. Mentally escaping hasn't produced a damn thing in my life, but the need for more escape.
Movement. Physical movement has been my salvation. Every time I slip into not wanting to be here, I move my body. Dance was my medicine when I was younger. Lifting weights give me that now. I feel so strong physically that I pull on that strength mentally. If I can lift this weight I can do anything. I can move fucking mountains! Helping people move their body, helps them move their emotions, helps them let go of the past and focus on their future. It helps them find their ground. That's why I'm a massage therapist, that's why I lift, and that's why I teach. That's my mission in life to move everyBODY, so that we all rise to meet our fullest potential!
EDIT: After writing this I jumped into the shower and a thought popped into my head. I'd like to say this was a thought of my own, but the wisdom of makes me feel it was other worldly.
"The pain you feel today, is the strength you provide to someone tomorrow. Let your pain be your light."
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